A Noun Or A Verb?

Grammar and the structures of sentences had my head spinning in elementary school. Nouns and verbs were the easiest to identify, especially proper names and action words. As if learning what each part of the sentence structure weren’t challenging enough for me, I then found out that the same word used in a different way might have a different part to play. Arrrr! How was I ever going to get that straight?

Fast forward, I’ve been out of elementary school for, well…a number of years now. While I don’t think about sentence structures during the course of each day, I have been noodling over a particular word for several weeks and wondered if it is most used as a noun or a verb. What does it look like as a noun and what does it look like as a verb?

Let me tell you a story:

Janie and Amy have been friends for years. Both ladies have had some personal troubles and stresses going on in their lives. Amy found out that Janie told some very personal information about her to a mutual friend. Rather than going to Janie about the incident, Amy retaliated on social media by posting some unpleasant personal information about Janie. Now both Amy and Janie are hurting because of choices each had made. 

This is a story that is active and alive. Just change the names and situation, and I’m sure you or someone you know has experienced a similar scenario.

The word, forgiveness by definition is a noun and is defined as the action or process of forgiving or being forgiven. According to Wikipedia, it is the intentional and voluntary process by which one who may feel victimized, undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding a given offense, and overcomes negative emotions such as resentment and vengeance.

The Million Dollar Question:

What needs to take place in order for these two friends to reconcile? What have you done that has worked? What hasn’t?

Here are a few scenerios:

1)    Amy goes to Janie and tells her about the hurt and waits for Janie to apologize. Janie tells Amy she is so sorry for the hurt caused and asks for forgiveness. Amy says she forgives Janie, but weeks later the two friends still have not spoken. Amy does not say she is sorry or asked for forgiveness for the hurt she caused Janie. Rather Amy holds Janie hostage as someone who can’t be trusted.

    Is forgiveness a noun or a verb?

Is the relationship restored?

2)    Both Amy and Janie feel they are the victim and refuse the accept or admit their part in the conflict. Rather they each hold on to the hurt that transcends into hours of discussing the issue with others and lay awake a night feeling anxious. Amy and Janie are waiting for the other person to “make a move”. After months pass, the two run into each other. Janie makes an apology to Amy and Amy says she has already forgiven her, however, Amy stands afar and seems cold toward Janie.

    Is forgiveness a noun or a verb?

Is the relationship restored?

3)    Amy goes to Janie and tells her about the hurt, but goes on to say that she is sorry for any hurt she may have caused that led up to the incident. Amy also apologies for the hurtful things she put on social media and asks for forgiveness. Janie tells Amy that she did indeed hurt her, but is sorry she took it to someone else rather than coming to her first and talking it out. Both Amy and Janie confide in each other of their shortcomings and brokenness. Both parties confess that they had contributed to the conflict, asked for forgiveness and to restore the friendship. They met for coffee a week later and are back to laughing and talking about the issues of life.

 Is forgiveness a noun or a verb?

Is the relationship restored?

Now What?

I think too many times, forgiveness is used as the noun. It makes sense to me that since it requires action, it should be a verb. People “say” they forgive, but then want nothing to do with the person afterwards. As a believer, the vertical direction between me and God is easier. I confess my sins and He forgives (at least I hope). The Horizontal direction is much more difficult. Forgiveness between people is complicated by our own selfish desires rather than living out Christ’s direction of forgiveness. God is love, but God is just. It frightens me to think that God won’t forgive me if I hold my brothers and sisters hostage for their sins. It’s easy to think it’s justified when hurts are deep, however, that’s not what we are called to do. True forgiveness shouldn’t be hard. The truth is we want to place ourselves above all others and claim innocence. As far as I know, there was only one perfect person who walked the Earth.

Forgiveness is freedom. Holding onto hurts is self-destructive. When we offend someone, we are called to apologize, ask for forgiveness and try to restore the relationship. When too much time has passed, what occurs is bitterness, resentment and awkwardness. And, when someone asks for forgiveness, it’s important to acknowledge the hurt that was caused to them by the other party. The Word speaks very clearly about forgiveness:

“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others of their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” ~ Matthew 6:14-15

“Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but swelling on it separate close friends.” ~ Proverbs 17:9

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” ~ Ephesians 4:32

“But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” ~ Matthew 5:44

We are called to pray for those who hurt us. Why? So our heart will become tender and loving, not dark and hardened. 

So, I ask you. What is forgiveness?  Is it a noun or a verb? 

...And the Greatest of these is LOVE...

We just celebrated St. Valentine’s Day this week.  This day can bring about many emotions for those in relationships and those who are not.  It can be a time to reflect on the importance of that certain person in life, or the awareness of the lack of someone.  I laugh, often, on this day because, my daughter’s, years ago named it….Singles Awareness Day.   I think this is hilarious and it certainly lifts the sigma that by not having someone “special” we are somehow incomplete.   Our society tries to match people into relationships.  What was once a few online dating sites, now are apps, groups, and sites that strategically align certain criteria to form a union of interests.   But what is wrong with being single?   What if that special person never materializes?   Should one “settle” for someone less compatible?  I think each of us is capable of compatibility with someone, and it’s a matter of having a connection, core values, and interests.   There is nothing dreadful, though, about being single.  

Whether you are single, married, or in a relationship, at heart of the matter, really is love for others.  But what is love, really?   It’s used so flippantly in conversations that often, I think it’s like saying “hello.”   It’s a casual word at the end of a phone call or text.   It gets used so much, that it loses its spark.  Initially, our mind floods with thoughts and emotions of a new interest...I’m so in love…  It can last for days, weeks, or months.   Our heart races at the anticipation of being together with our new interest and the imagination can run wild.  We experience a bliss, or what I call blindness, of what we are really seeing and experiencing.  Often, we overlook habits or behaviors that don’t line up with our values.  Once the mountain top experience is over, we can begin to experience and see who the person really is.  A good parameter is to ask your friends what they think.  Their view is a wide-angle vision, and I’ve found that this perspective is healthy in the long term.   When we are so close our person, it’s difficult to see the real picture.  Initially, we are full speed ahead in a new relationship, but I want to caution you to purposefully slow down and take your time.  Our media displays romance with happy endings, but that’s not always the case.  Good relationships in life take time, energy and work.  Some are easy while others are more challenging.

 How does one love the other?  Let’s first talk about love.  There are differences in love.  There is the love we have for our children.  Love we express for our parents/siblings.  There is love we have for friends.  Then there’s that special love we have for a partner.  Each of these relationships are important and at the core is the same.  All the accumulations of material wealth will die, but our relationships will continue even after death.  The impact we have on others is eternal.  Each of us was created by a God from love.  It’s the core of who we are.  Throughout the Bible, there is story after story of love.  Jesus was sent here to demonstrate love.  His life was sacrificed because of love. 

New King James Version -I Corinthians 13:1-13

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love I am only a resounding gong or clanging cymbal resounding in the wind. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and can understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have faith, that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I give all I possess to the poor, and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love has no fear; it does not worry; love keeps no records of wrongs; never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now, we see in a mirror, darkly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.

And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Agape love is what each of us should practice daily.  Here is a short video that explains this type of love:

Self-sacrifice is the core of love.  It’s not divisions by right or wrong.  It’s not prejudices by color, race, religion, or sex.  It’s not narcissism of what’s most important for my gain.  It’s not what’s in it for me?  Self-serving relationships end in disaster.  True love has no strings attached.  It’s giving without expecting anything in return.  The beauty of this concept is what comes back is abundance and the awareness that there is something greater in life.  It’s a feeling of wonder and joy that is indescribable.  While each of us have special gifts, talents and purpose, each of us also have the gift of love.  We are meant to love and be loved.  Make a point each day to make someone else’s day a little brighter by showing and expressing agape love.

Health bite:  The more love you give way, the richer your life becomes.

White Caps

Peace.  It’s a gift from God.  What I love most about gifts from God, is there are no strings attached.  It is yours because He loves you.  All you have to do is receive it. 

When was the last time you felt peace in your life?  Peace and quiet can be felt when the kids go to go bed, or after a hectic day of work is over; but I’m not talking about that kind of peace.  I’m talking about a deep, deep peace.

Our lives are built around hectic schedules of “to do” lists.  We run from point A to point B juggling kids, spouse, work, home, and all the other tasks required to keep up.  With all the technology, I think we, as a society, are more stressed out than ever!  Technology is supposed to help, but I think it has hindered us in many ways.  We’ve become “unplugged” from relationships, conversations, and gestors of kindness.  We no longer need to “bump” into someone at the grocery store because now we can order our groceries on-line.  No need to even get out of the car, as the customer service representative will load it for you!  Don’t worry about getting your steps in….you can go to the gym...maybe, if your can squeeze it in!  What will it take for you to slow down, breathe, and cherish life?

A deep peace can carry you through difficult times in life when things are uncertain.  This type of peace is noticed by others you encounter.  It shows in how you act, speak, and live your life.  It’s quite refreshing to feel that even on the darkest day, God can give the gift of Peace that passes all understanding. 

Maybe you are wondering how you can receive this gift?  It’s quite simple, really.  Just ask for it.  The Lord knows your heart.  He sees your hurts.  He knows your struggles.  He feels the tangles in your relationships. 

As I sit, looking out my window, I watch a tidal river sway with its white caps that then settle and flow along.  Each of us experience those white caps in life.  The turbulence can be difficult leaving one to wonder how it will end, or if we will survive it.  I’ve grown to appreciate life, because life is fragile.  That fragility helps me gather the important people in my life and keep them close.  Things can change in a second and that white cap becomes tall and resilient.  The current seems strong and swift.  Even in those days, peace is available to the recipient.  All you need to do is ask and receive.   

It seems simple enough, yet so many go through life not experiencing true peace.  That includes me.  It’s easy to get caught up in this world.  We run from situations because it’s easier than dealing with them.  We look for answers in this world and try to gain control, but it’s futile.  The only answer is to turn it over to the Lord.  He came to set us free from bondage.  He came to restore peace and joy. 

Think of life as slices of pie.  Time spent is a slice out our of life that can never be reused, recovered or replaced.  How that time is spent should be meaningful in building up the world rather than taking it down.  Take a PEACE of pie today and enjoy each bite.  Savor the love and warmth; remember to express gratitude to the one who set you free.

“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart!  And the peace I give isn’t fragile like the peace the world gives.  So don’t be troubled or afraid.”  John 14:27

“And I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts, living within you as you trust in him.  May your roots go down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love; and may you be able to feel and understand, as all God’s children should. How long, how wide, how deep, and how high his love really is; and to experience this love for yourselves, though it is so great that you will never see the end of it or fully know or understand it.  And so at last you will be filled up with God himself.”  Ephesians 3:17-19

health-bite:  Take your gift of Peace and share it with others.