Fall Equinox

We have tapped into the fall, officially.  Mums, pumpkins, and fall décor are all around with sprinkles of pumpkin spice.  This time of year, seems to bring a lot of excitement and joy to people, but for some, it’s a different type of season.  In spring there is a re-birth of new life.  Flowers bloom, birds return, the days get longer and warmer.  Then we reach the solstice of summer’s abundance and maturity.  Those hot, dry August days can be grueling.  It becomes a struggle to keep plants alive and looking good.  I think that’s why the equinox of fall is so welcomed.  Those cooler days and nights are a joyful reprieve.  This year, I’ve embarked on classes in herbalism.  This experience has opened my eyes to both the simplicity and complexity of plants and the energic power they contain. But, I’ve learned so much more.

 CELEBRATING THE EQUINOX

In September, my class had a ceremony for the equinox.  This meaningful experience has led me to have discussions with others about the Autumn Equinox.  After the new birth of spring and maturity of summer comes fall, in which things begin to die. Some people will start to feel some sort of sadness or grief and may not be able to articulate why. Often times, we don’t allow the space for someone to talk about their loss.  What seems to happen is we try to comfort friends and family by saying words like, “I understand what you are going through.” Or “It will get better with time.”  I wondered why we speak words to someone who is grieving.  Is being present in silence with them just as powerful?  Is it because we don’t want to see them upset, or we, ourselves, don’t want to be upset?  Maybe it’s both.  As I sat with this question longer, I began to wonder how this behavior began.  For me, I’m sure it was learned through conditioning as a child.  Disappointments in life brought consoling parents who tried to be supportive and be positive that things will get better.  It just never occurred to me that consoling someone stops their grief process momentarily, even though I went through it myself.  When someone is expressing grief, and someone touches them or says anything, the other person often will stop talking. As a result, the process gets delayed or perhaps even avoided.

WHAT HAPPENED NEXT

Before the ceremony, each person took some time to write down their griefs and losses experienced this year or in year’s past.  Silently, we walked over to a fire pit and sat in a circle.  The space, energy, and love were felt as each person began to share some portion of their loss.  Each person had some type of loss or grief he/she was dealing with, and some really surprised me.  I think of how many times people say they are fine, when now I wonder…are they really?  It was a time to reflect that loss, feel that loss, and acknowledge that loss.  I’ve learned that grief is never over, so please don’t tell someone to “Get on with your life.” Or “It’s time to move on.”  Grief is enduring a pain that comes and goes for the rest of our life.  Personally, I’ve not found a way to “get over it,” but I have found my way through it.  In reality, I guess, that’s all one can hope for.

After everyone had said what they wanted to say, we threw our paper into the fire. Having done so does not mean the loss is forgotten, it’s just a way to acknowledge the experience and allow space for both grieving and healing.

SHARING

I shared this experience with friends who, I knew, were going through some difficult times. The timing, as always, is perfect with an upcoming bonfire to give space and toss in those written losses.  It can be simple with only throwing in the piece of paper or more elaborate, like I had experienced with my class.  Either way, those burdens are heavy and knowing we all share common ground with loss, made my own thoughts lighter.  Our energy transmits one to another.  No one is alone nor should we carry our burdens alone.  I learned from this experience the ability to allow others their own space in dealing with loss, to hold them up as a person who is here, and be present with them.  

Health Bite: Give silent space for others to grieve.