Gifts.....
Gift giving is a nice way to let others know you think and care about them. Taking the time to consider and choose a proper gift can be bring much joy for both the giver and the receiver, especially if thought and time was taken for just the right gift. Presents are given for many occasions from hostess gifts to birthdays, Christmas to child birth, and anything in between. Over the years, I’ve tried to become less materialistic and have inspired others to do the same by encouraged spending time with people rather than purchasing gifts. I think that’s why I enjoy Thanksgiving so much. It’s a time to be thankful without exchanging gifts.
When I stop to think about my prejudices with gift giving, I’m reminded of the ways gifts have impacted my life. Everything begins with a thought, then an action, followed by a reaction. It’s these internal loops that condition behavior and future thoughts. In my own life, gifts were given/received for a birthday and Christmas. I did receive on Easter a basket with a few things and a new Sunday outfit. But that was it! Life was simple and frugal. I’ve also been told I’m not a good gift giver, and maybe I’m sensitive to the process and choices of my purchasing power. Honestly, I tend to be more of a practical gift giver by giving something that someone can actually use rather than a fun or frivolous present. The other important factor in my own life was the fact that with one particular person, gifts came with strings attached. This left a skepticism in my thought process about the intention from the giver, and I think, skewed my beliefs for other’s intentions who gave gifts. More importantly, what I learned in life is that people perceive love and care in very different ways. For me, gifts were nice, but did not represent the way I wanted to feel loved.
If you have never heard of love languages, let me introduce you. Gary Chapman is the author of a book called The 5 Love Languages. In it, he explains that people perceive love in a variety of ways:
· Acts of service—do something for me
· Touch—hold my hand
· Words of affirmation—tell me something I do well
· Quality time—play a game with me
· Gifts—buy me something
Likely, we want them all to some degree, however, there are some that speaks louder to us than others. Knowing this information can be helpful with children and in relationships in general. Knowing the information helped me with my three children. I could noticeably see the differences when I spoke to their individual love language. If you are giving a gift to someone who’s love language is words of affirmation, they will not feel as loved as when you were to tell them something positive.
Today is Valentine’s Day, or Singles Awareness Day, as my children would call it. Many of our “holidays” are invented by the card companies to keep consumerism high. There’s the expectation of what to purchase, how much to spend, and the let down when the bar was set too high. It’s estimated this year approximately $27.4 billion will be spent on the love holiday, according to the National Retail Federation. That includes cards, candy, flowers, dining out, spa treatments, etc. for relatives, friends, co-workers, and pets. That’s a considerable amount of money. I wonder what other ways we can show others we love and care for them that doesn’t require spending money? Do any of us NEED candy? Come to think about it, if I eat candy then it will weaken my immune system and add weight, which many of us are trying to shed. In the end, if we give gifts to someone who’s love language is not gifts, they won’t be getting the real message. As a result, the time and resources spend were not as effective as intended. Consider a new thought in your purchasing power: Rather than just buy a gift and check off the box, get to know the person you want to express care for by speaking to their love language.
Want to know your love language? Take the test here.
Health Bite: Show the appropriate love that supports the person who will receive it.
